Relationship, Couples

The blog includes articles I have written over the last few years, as well as a weekly post where I share what’s on my mind, even if it’s an undeveloped idea that popped up when I was stirring a vat of cheese!

Pleasure to Meet You

Wanting, Longing and the Conundrum of Need In the attachment literature Berkeley luminary Mary Main eloquently describes the “dilemma without solution.” For this bereft infant the source of safety and the source

Angels Dimensions of Possibility

Another remarkable BBC story in the wee hours inspired and compelled me; an interview with an Afghan refugee speaking about his narrow escape from the death grip of the Taliban, actually from

Amending Our Process: Crafting Apologies that Heal

When I was perhaps as young as four years old, my mother taught us a little apology ritual. I don’t know how she devised it or where it came from. Whenever we

Life, Love and Healing: The Wonders of Oxytocin

When I was young and first learning about sexuality, an older, mentor-like friend, taught me “Don’t have sex with someone you don’t like, because you will secrete oxytocin, which then bonds you

Coming Home to Passion: Restoring Loving Sexuality After Childhood Trauma and Neglect

1. Introduction In the long and arduous journey of healing from childhood trauma and neglect, sexuality is often the last frontier. It is particularly complex and challenging in that sexuality is a

The Practice of Empathy: The “Validation” Step of Intentional Dialog

In my work as a couple’s therapist one tool I rely on, is the structured “Intentional Dialog” of Harville Hendrix’s Imago Relationship Therapy. I find it particularly potent for couples with histories

Life Boat: A Repair Tool

This is a repair tool for those times when you and your partner are both triggered, seem to be stuck in a place of disconnection, and are saying to each other “How

Out of the Tempest: The Challenge of Interactive Repair

“In normal, optimally interactive dyads, only about 30% of their time together is actually spent in the affectively positive, mutually coordinated interactive state. The rest of the time is spent in mis-coordinated

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