In 1996, The Vagina Monologues first appeared in San Francisco. It was an amazing work of theater, combining some of my most passionate interests: trauma, politics and art. It was a brilliant work of theater illustrating in short scenes, the many faces of the ubiquitous sexual exploitation and victimization of women and girls in the US and around the world. It was the courageous and bold work of Eve Ensler of whom, at the time, I had never heard. But she became one of those unforgettable icons and touchstones of my development as a therapist and recovering person, a woman and a sexual being.
In 2014, I eagerly read the next book that I knew of by Ensler: In the Body of the World, (2014, Picador) again, gutsy, self-revealing and unnervingly explicit. In it, Ensler described her severe run with cancer, as well as her work with sexually abused women in the Democratic Republic of Congo. I am no shrinking violet, and have certainly read my share of accounts of sexual trauma. But the horrors described in that book, of damage and violation to women and women’s bodies, was the worst I had ever encountered anywhere, and almost unbearable to read. If I had that much trouble even imagining the haunting images and emotions, thinking of Ensler sitting with and seeing those women and their ravaged bodies, I was awed. How can she do this? (Now probably the same people are being ravaged by Ebola, but that is another subject.)
In 2019, Ensler did it again, this time with The Apology (Bloomsbury). Forgiveness and apology and are powerful topics, deeply meaningful, and hold a major spot on the bucket list of books in my head waiting to be written. I was compelled by both the audio and the print versions, could not decide which I liked better. In this unusual case the actor reader on the audio was so talented and compelling that uncharacteristically I almost preferred the audio, and determined it had to be both. But I bought stacks of the slender volume and gave them away, to make sure they got into everyone’s hands. By that time, Ensler had changed her name to “V”.
In the final days of COVID when we were still locked in and conferences were still online, I remember again, being moved to hear Ensler speak in conjunction with the movie Cracked Up. Although I am not a movie person by any means, that one gripped me in its portrayal of trauma, neglect and addiction, and not only because it was endorsed by V.
Have I been star-struck this past 30 years since The Vagina Monologues? Admittedly like many survivors of neglect I cleave to role models and heroes, or was I simply grateful and filled with admiration for another great mentor, role model and teacher?
Healing
Fast forward to 2026. I am swamped with work and commitments of every kind. And I received an invitation to participate on a panel at the 37th Annual Boston Trauma Conference, with you guessed it, V Ensler. The Trauma Conference also has been an annual fixture in my life for probably all of its 37-year existence. I was to say the least, flabbergasted, if also terrified and unspeakably honored. Yesterday it happened, and there were six of us in total including V, women who had different backgrounds and different perspectives, and different practice. But we all share a passion for sexual and gender justice, social justice, and the whole panoply of sexual values. What a privilege and what an experience.
It was also a testament to the hard work of dogged trauma healing, that the young therapist sitting in the front row at the American Conservatory Theater in 1996, was now occupying a seat at the table on the stage. How could this have happened? So much has been flying by in the whirlwind of the past two months, that I have much to integrate. I guess this is a reminder to stay the course. Times can be hard, and progress slow, but the “hard work miracle” is worth it, if we have the good fortune to do the work.
I never dreamed I would live to see age 29. Blessedly I landed in the office of a patient, persistent and brilliant attachment-based psychotherapist, and we had and have the advantage of ever new and better trauma theory, practice and modalities. We are constantly updating our files and we must. That is one of the unspeakably valuable aspects of this conference, and why it is and has long been a centerpiece in my development as a therapist. It keeps us all updating our files, so we can do our best work, and as effectively and quickly as possible.
Self-image
I am going to keep this a bit shorter today. I am behind in so many things, and I don’t want to miss too many sessions holed up in my room banging on the computer. I promise I will make it up to you, and I want to get out there for the next session. I hope this does not sound like bragging to you. I don’t mean to toot my horn but rather sound the trumpet for staying with the work. We simply cannot imagine how our lives will change. I know V feels that way too.
And yes, she does have a recent book, another memoir updating her files, The Reckoning. Again, breathtaking and inspiring. And I was also delighted to discover, that unlike some idealized others, she is a delightful and truly lovely human being. I might add, I am constantly reminded that our self-image, is the last thing to change!
PS One of the perks of my travel in wider circles and meeting lots of new people, is that we have some truly interesting podcast guests in the pipeline! Just a teaser for now, but you can look forward to that!
Today’s Song is about how time passes and things change:
