I write this in a hunt and peck, one-handed fashion from my perch in paradise: Hilo, Hawaii, where the drama queen volcano Kilauea is wildly dancing and singing, erupting in her fiery, spectacular way. I take pleasure in knowing that when she settles down, or “pipes down,” as my mother impatiently used to say, […]
Out On A Limb: Extremities, Balance, Acceptance Read More »
(WARNING: THIS BLOG CONTAINS EXPLICIT REFERENCES TO CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE, AND OTHER SEXUAL REFERENCES) For many of us with sexual abuse trauma, our first “knowledge” of sexual stimulation, eroticism, or any kind of sexual experience, was likely to be frightening and most likely confusing. It is painful, not to mention distasteful to think
Love and Regulation: Trauma, Neglect, Healing Read More »
You are receiving this on what in the U.S. is Thanksgiving Day. I am writing it, however, on the 22nd of November, a sad day in 2022, when we lost one of my great heroes, Pablo Milanes. He was 79 which seems increasingly young to me as I rapidly approach 70 myself. Milanes was one
The Golden Age: Loss, The Bermuda Triangle, Our Bodies Read More »
As I reflected on the upcoming domestic Thanksgiving holiday, it occurred to me that I have so much more to say about food and eating. Eating disorders are a lonely and seemingly endless tyranny, not uncommon for those with any sort of trauma, but I think even more for those of us with attachment trauma.
Giving Thanks: Control, Regulation, Gratitude Read More »
When I was preparing for my recent talks in Oxford, I actively reviewed my historical roots as a therapist and especially in the trauma field. One of my theoretical heroes was the (at least now) little known attachment researcher and somatic therapist, Stephen M. Johnson. Johnson hailed from the field of Bioenergetics, a seemingly forgotten
Voice and Spine Come Home to Roost: Roots, Connections, Renewal Read More »
Amidst all the devastation of war, weather events and anxiety surrounding the upcoming US election, I remind everyone, including myself, to carefully regulate their news consumption. I for one, never, even in the best of times, indulge in TV or any news that has visuals. Even the famous George Floyd video, which haunts me sufficiently
Sturm und Drang: Hair, Community, Music Read More »
When I was perhaps as young as four years old, my mother taught us a little apology ritual. I don’t know how she devised it or where it came from. Whenever we had a tangle or disagreement with a sister, play mate or friend, we had to rhythmically shake hands, in time with the handshake saying
Amending Our Process: Crafting Apologies that Heal Read More »
Next week’s Jewish High Holiday Yom Kippur brings many thoughts. My childhood memories of that day are spotty and mostly painful. Our dad being the cantor was more nervous and irritable than ever, as that was the day when he had the fullest house of the year, meaning the “once-a-year-crowd” showed up. The sanctuary would
True Repair: Yom Kippur, Why Apology Matters, What Heals? Read More »
Again, so strange these flights of memory. I remember years ago Bessel saying that trauma is a looping cycle, a carousel of remembering and forgetting, both in the micro and the macro. I have not thought of that in a long time either… I was pondering some of the Oxford Trauma Conference highlights and stand-out
Indivisible: Apartheid, Visibility, Melting Pot Read More »
I woke up with a start after my unheard-of, third-in-a-row, almost eight-hour night of sleep. Amazing. I am not sure if it is sheer and total exhaustion from all the excitement, stimulation and phenomenal energy output, or relief and joy that enabled me to truly rest. No need to question, I am infinitely grateful and
Spine and Voice in Oxford: Neglect Informing, Interdependence, Repair Read More »