Warning, this blog contains subject matter that may be disturbing to some readers.
My best friend in kindergarten was Robin Fields. What a great name!
She recently popped into my mind out of absolutely nowhere. Strange how memory is. I don’t recall ever thinking of her. Robin was so pretty and feminine, with shiny strawberry blond hair in a flip. And I loved her mom, Roselyn: she was so “American,” all the things we weren’t. She chewed gum, wore “tennies,” and made those wonderful tuna fish sandwiches on white bread with lots of mayo. She kind of reminded me of Carol Burnett. Best friends are so important to little girls, especially lonely children of neglect. I wonder what happened to Robin. She came to mind when I was thinking about fields.
I have been pondering the vast expanse of energy fields. Admittedly, quantum physics makes my head spin, but I am fascinated by the wordless communication that passes between us energetically and in all sorts of, what are to me, mysterious ways. Einstein taught us that everything is really particles of energy, so that includes the myriad of ways we experience energy in the body. When I first started learning about the brain, I thought mostly in terms of brain chemistry, not electricity or energy transmission, even though that is what firing neurons are. Neurofeedback taught me to start thinking about that.
Now I am learning that everything is energy, including color and music, even emotions and the way they pass between us. Plants also communicate with other plants, and with animals, we humans with both plants and animals, and with each other, if we are tuned in and aware. What a cacophonous babble of conversation swirls around us at all times. This is not “woo woo,” although it does seem rather magical. I even read about how frequencies and botched/misread transmissions caused disastrous casualties in World War II, but that is for another day.
I know when I sit with clients who have histories of neglect, whose stories are unremembered or not stored in the usual cognitive ways, I must keep all my senses wide open and tuned in for transmissions that may arrive through other “media.” If I stay mindful of the vibration, the movement, the frequencies in my own body and system: emotions, sensations, images, my own memories, dreams, and songs in my head, I often get quiet, telegraphed messages that inspire me to ask questions that then may render new puzzle pieces. Of course, I am scrupulously careful to be receptive and not make up their story! Rather, I ask questions, so the story of absence and missing experiences will find its expression as it can.
I am also struck by how our energetic tone powerfully influences what comes back to us. This certainly is not to cast blame, especially on those with histories of neglect, as our experience is to have no impact. No matter what we do, nothing comes back, leaving us with a powerful and enduring circuitry of helplessness and futility. This makes for what I have come to call the Three P’s of Neglect: passivity, procrastination, and paralysis. Oy vey. Many of us know them all too well.
However, something I have been surprised to discover in my own life is that often, when we lead with love, the returns may be surprising. Not always, but enough that it is a worthy practice and an at least aspired to default. It can even make forgiveness fruitful and rewarding sometimes. But that, too, is for another day.
I am also struck by how our energetic tone powerfully influences what comes back to us.
Transformation
One of the perks of my particular brand of insomnia is that I catch late-night BBC broadcasts and often fascinating interviews. I happened to hear an interview with a documentary filmmaker whose 30-minute film Stranger at the Gate was in the running for an Academy Award. I rarely watch movies, being much too stingy with my reading time, but this one compelled me, and inspired, I sent the link to many others.
Richard McKinney, a virtual caricature of the racist, white supremacist hate monger, was a fiercely traumatized Marine Corps war veteran who served many bloody years in combat and participated in numerous horrific and murderous atrocities. He originally joined the marines as a young man in the futile hope of winning his father’s respect, also a Marine Corps veteran. Although he failed in that endeavor, military service successfully removed him from a downhill trajectory of using and selling drugs. McKinney probably would have finished out his sorry days in that bloody world, but injury sent him home to his mid-western state.
Shortly after his return to the states, 9/11 struck. McKinney, in a blast of florid PTSD, was inflamed with a wild resurgence of hatred for Muslims. His ordinarily quiet town of Muncie, Indiana, had become a refuge for a sizeable Afghan community with a well-attended mosque, and McKinney was seized with the idea of committing mass murder and blowing away as many Muslims as he could, even if it killed him. He began to frequent the mosque, to learn the rhythms of its comings and goings so that he could get “the most bang for his buck.”
Upon visiting the mosque, McKinney was surprised to be met with such warmth, such welcome, such generosity, such openness, such love, that it first gave him pause, and then transformed him. Not only did McKinney dispense with his catastrophic plan, but his soul opened, and he became a Muslim. It is a must-see (and available for free on YouTube.)
There are so many dimensions of change and transformation. There is such a range of visible and invisible conveyance of development, devastation, decay, healing, and growth.
Transcendence
So, what does any of this have to do with energy fields? Well, who knows? There are so many dimensions of change and transformation. There is such a range of visible and invisible conveyance of development, devastation, decay, healing, and growth. Becoming mindful and intentional, where possible, of what we emit and what we receive/consume can have a powerful impact. Certainly not always. So much trauma of every kind, is beyond our control or influence. But there is a sphere of possibility. How could the kindly Muslims know that by simply being themselves and practicing their values and beliefs, they were saving themselves from calamity? How can we know? Well, we can’t know that.
My experience teaches me daily that leading with the positive most often brings returns beyond my imagination. In turn, sadly, I observe people who unwittingly, through the pessimistic or resentful energy (or in the grip of depression) they emit, attract a like energetic response. The prophecy is self-fulfilled; sadly, they “make people not like them,” or worse. Not always, of course! But as the Dalai Lama wisely says, “Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.” Although certainly not always easy!
Neurofeedback works directly with brain frequencies, actively training and teaching them to “change their tune.” But we work with frequency in countless ways throughout the day, throughout our respective worlds and the larger world. Tune in!
I have often said that one of my most cherished bequests from our mom, starting when I was maybe two in our little slummy apartment in New York City, was Pete Seeger. His upbeat transmissions filled the air, and even though he died in 2014, at the age of 95, in my world, they still do.
Today’s song is a favorite from those days. I wonder if I listened to this with Robin?
My book “Working with the Developmental Trauma of Childhood Neglect: Using Psychotherapy and Attachment Theory Techniques in Clinical Practice” was published on August 31st. It provides psychotherapists with a multidimensional view of childhood neglect and a practical roadmap for facilitating survivors’ healing.
