I remember back in 2013, being in a book signing line with my three copies of the then-new book Cooked, by Michael Pollan. Pollan, a local treasure, was/is one of my great heroes, the author of one of my favorite books of all time, The Omnivore’s Dilemma. If you have not read it, you must, although it is not a trauma book. In those days, you could go to a Pollan reading for free and even get a parking space, which is no small thing in my town of San Francisco, USA.
When I got to the front of the line, I was able to tell Mr. Pollan, that it is a rare occurrence, certainly it was then anyway, for me to read a book that truly changes my mind about something, that leaves me thinking about things in a whole new way. Michael Pollan could change my mind! For someone who reads as much as I always have, that was a meaningful and all too rare experience.
Some years passed, and in 2018 Pollan’s blockbuster book about psychedelic-assisted psychotherapy hit the stands. I was delighted, and even more so when I learned that it was entitled How to Change Your Mind! I had only recently first heard of psychedelic-assisted psychotherapy for PTSD at the Boston Trauma Conference, where it is not at all an uncommon experience for me to get my mind blown wide open by whole new-to-me paradigms. protocols and possibilities. As I excitedly anticipate this year’s conference, I find myself visited by memories of standout presentations by practitioners, researchers, writers and thinkers, of whom I most likely never would have heard, and some I have never heard from again. But amazingly my not always reliable hoary old memory has retained mind-changing ideas and even names. Some of them, I often refer to, teach and/or practice. And I still have their books that I would buy from the cherished and eagerly awaited conference bookstores. I will call up a couple of remembered highlights, as I imagine or fantasize that maybe I could leave a similarly lasting mark on a least a few people’s brains.
Denial
Many a client has come through my practice, survivors of trauma and neglect who have spotty, unreliable or simply “unbelievable” memories. Perhaps they don’t understand or know what “happened to them.” Or “it” fades in and out of being credible to them and finding its place in the autobiographical narrative. Since I heard Jessica Stern speak at the Boston Conference, probably around 2010 as that is when her remarkable book Denial (Ecco, 2010) was published, I have been able not only to recommend her book but even sometimes help them with their confusion.
Stern and her sister suffered a brutal violent sexual assault together when she was a young teenager. So, her trauma was closely witnessed, shared, later reported to authorities, and documented. Still, with all that living evidence, she was able to completely “forget” that it had occurred. Although she for “some reason” developed a fascination and ultimately made an academic research project and later career in the study of terrorism, she still did not remember the trauma for many years, and when she started to suffer from symptoms and later fragments of memory, it took years for her to believe herself. Even with that much-proven history.
Stern was racked with doubt and shame about the thoughts of it. I found her story and the well-written book to be of help to many. If even with concrete and unquestionable evidence of her traumatic experience, she could doubt herself, and doubt the veracity of her terrifying recall, my clients’ confusion about their memories did not mean they “made it up,” or it didn’t happen. I never forgot Stern’s name or talk. And her dusty book is still on my shelf.
Violence
Another Boston speaker whom I had never really heard about before nor have I since, was James Gilligan, a psychiatrist who spent his career working with maximum security prisoners. These were mass murderers, serial killers, perpetrators of the most heinous acts of violence imaginable or not. These are people I imagined never wanting to get near, let alone have compassion for or help. In fact, before hearing and then reading Gilligan’s book, I could not imagine a shred of empathy for anyone capable of what they had done, let alone being locked in with them to do the work. Gilligan found, not surprisingly that without exception these people, these patients were victims and survivors of some of the most hideous trauma themselves, I found his book and his work moving and surprising in that it even evoked some compassion and empathy for such people, in me. I could never do what he does and that is for sure. But I have deep gratitude and admiration for a man who has the heart and stomach to do the work I could never do, and he painfully reminds us, should we even need to be reminded, about how essential it is to break the insidious chains of intergenerational transmission of trauma and neglect. Thank you, Dr. Gilligan. His then-new book, when I heard him speak in Boston, is called Violence: Reflections on a National Epidemic (Vintage Books, 1997), I have not read it again since I got it, but it is on the shelf and maybe I should.
Regulation
Spoiler Alert: I do Reference This in My Own Boston Talk
I have no idea what conference year it was, but I remember the name and the presentation of this crusty old guy with a thick Irish brogue: Seamus Sinclair. I remember him because his work was so striking that I have made use of it readily over the years. Sinclair worked in the San Francisco County Jail with convicted domestic violence perpetrators, and it was ironic that I had to go to Boston to learn of him! He showed videos of his work with the cons in their orange monkey suits, large, strong, menacing-looking guys. I shuddered to think what they had done to their partners and families, that landed them there. Sinclair, was teaching them to learn to track the impulses in their bodies, the mounting sensations, and arousal that lead up to an episode of violence. If the men could learn to notice and feel the preliminary communications in their bodies, they could prevent the loss of control that resulted in the abuses. The videos showed the men practicing: when they felt the first indicators of that arousal in their bodies, he instructed them to place one hand on their heart and one hand on their belly, and breathe, with a long exhale. Here were these burly guys doing that in the jail, and calming themselves down.
When a parent holds an infant to comfort and soothe them, the child’s body makes contact with the parent’s body in those areas: the heart and the belly. For somatic therapists, this practice is a no-brainer, but utilizing it with that population seemed radical, and seeing the men take him seriously and settle right down, stayed with me all these years. I wonder how many spouses and children were protected by their learning this. It certainly stayed with me, and I have taught it many, many, many times. I don’t know if Sinclair is still around. He was not young then, whenever that was.
As I have said, I first learned of psychedelic assisted psychotherapy at the Trauma Conference some years ago now and was amazed by the films of veterans with seemingly intractable trauma symptoms, recovering so powerfully and quickly. Not to mention Sensorimotor Psychotherapy and Neurofeedback which became staples of my work. So many years of invaluable memories, I am so excited about this 35th year, and I wonder if I can leave a memory with even one person, But I am certain the memory will be indelible for me! Perhaps I will see you there!
Today’s Song:
