I remember when Mom used to get really angry at me. Well, her word was “annoyed.” She would come at me with that really stern face and exclaim, “Ach! Do me a favor!” Sometimes if it was really bad, she would say, “Vadammt!” That was German for “damn!” I never liked the sound of German. […]
Why Nothing Matters: Ennui, It Does!, Detection Read More »
I remember when the Broadway musical Fiddler on the Roof came out. And a few years later, the blockbuster movie with Zero Mostel. I remember being rather baffled, wondering who would name their kid “Zero?!” Especially when I felt like one. Fortunately, young Zero grew up to become a great and well-loved actor. And I
Tradition: Intergenerational Transmission, Food, Breaking Chains Read More »
As a devout listener to BBC, I got an earful of the recent coronation event. Monarchy is something I so rarely think about, apart from the recent death of Queen Elizabeth, which similarly took over a day of BBC coverage. From the endless memorial feed, my mind somehow floated back to junior high school European
Ambiguities: Harm, Responsibility, Peace Read More »
Like most any child of neglect, I was a desperately lonely little girl. Convinced I was hopelessly weird, probably of some other unidentified nonhuman species and categorically unlikeable, I peopled my world with idealized, fantasy relationships. A “hero worshipper” right off the bat, Beginning at a young age, my ever-advancing hit parade provided an endless
Imaginary Friends: Hero Worship, Compulsivity, Equanimity Read More »
Pondering how I first happened on the translucent, barely visible child of neglect, the oddest image appeared in my mind. I imagined myself, middle thirties strolling placidly along a quiet beach. In one non-remarkable step, walking through the innocuous and pleasantly warm sand, I am suddenly nudged into alertness to discover that one little mound,
Profiles In Courage Ants, “Three P’s,” Self-Reliance Read More »
In the final year or so of my dad’s long life, he did not know who I was anymore. That is not so uncommon, but it was a good thing I had done so much work on my early neglect trauma by then because it was painfully reminiscent of my childhood with him. Our visits
Sing Me Back Home: Coda, Frequency, Harmony Read More »
On the 24th of April, we lost another queen. Admittedly where I was amazed and perhaps baffled by the dramatic display of emotion and attention following the death of the British monarch last September, when Tina Turner, also known as the “Queen of Rock’n Roll” died last week, the outpouring of grief around the world,
What’s Attachment Got to Do With It? Abandonment, Energy, Resilience Read More »
As we all know far too well, trauma activation is redundant, miserable, and exhausting. I avoid the word “triggering,” because it summons the imagery of gun violence, (although activations certainly can feel that violently jarring and even lethal,) but also because the word is used is too loosely in popular discourse. It can lose its
Learning From Experience Re-Experiencing, George Floyd, Breath Read More »
In my morning workout, I was swept out of my usual reverie by a vocal. Most of the time my Pandora musical feed keeps me happy and in rhythm with instrumental music. My station is a mix of contemporary/jazz/Spanish guitar which for me is just right. At first, I was annoyed, it was a slowish
Dilemma Finds Solution A Song, The Quandary, A Team Read More »
Way back in the middle 1970s, I cooked in a restaurant. I was a pretty good cook, having had the dubious distinction of being the only one who could be in the kitchen when Dad was doing his cyclone-like chef act. Dad had learned to cook by “stealing with his eyes”, as he said, watching
Mushroom Soup: Loss, Harry, Gratitude Read More »