“Why Won’t You ‘Just’ Talk to Me?” As I was pondering the recurring devastating dynamic between a couple I work with, a memory from my own life bubbled up. For those of us who have the minimal and spotty memory of early life, typical of neglect, these little forays into memory are rather like wandering […]

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Ignoring, Forgetting and Denying Driving to work one day last month, I heard a snippet of news about a young man named Spencer Elden, now 30 years old, suing Nirvana and Kurt Cobain’s estate for a 1991 photograph of him, taken and used without his consent. He was a four-month-old infant then, he was naked,

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Second Chances

Healing, Relationship Repair and Jewels In 1968 I almost died of anorexia. I was 13. We now know that the whole spectrum of eating disorders are desperate attempts at self-regulation, and rife among survivors of all manner of trauma. We have a bazillion dollar eating disorder treatment industry and literature, although from my jaundiced view,

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Bye Bye Charlie

Rolling Stones Drummer Charlie Watts Passes at 80 On August 25, as I tuned in for my carefully regulated quotient of National Public Radio morning news, and caught the tail end of the headlines, I heard something about remembering Charlie Watts. I thought “What? What happened to Charlie?” I barely heard all the horrors about

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You Are My Kind

Neglect, Being Wanted, A Place to Belong  Some years ago, I was asked to be a main presenter at a weekend Institute of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) to teach about trauma and sexuality.  I was thrilled.  It was my first time ever being invited in that public of a

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Changing Spots

Mistakes, Butterflies and Potholes I have a special affection for leopards. As I love to say, “you know the old adage ‘A leopard can’t change its spots?’ Well, I can. And I change my spots every chance I get.” Healing is all about that. The “Decade of the Brain” and neuroimaging technology taught us that

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